Doesn’t everyone have a list of people they would beat up if the opportunity presented itself?
So here’s what we’re going to do. We are all going to take 2 non-lethal weapons of choice (for me its a medium weight flat-edged garden shovel, and a 6 Iron) and climb on the Partridge Family bus and lay a beating on each of them one by one.
Justin Bieber more then the rest, as he is a standing target of opportunity.
Some are famous, some not. The only thing they have in common is they irritate the shit out of me
You will also notice that around 40% of the people on this list are women. This should not be construed as advocating violence against women, just an acknowledgement that they can be as batshit insane and fucking irritating as men. Also only 29% of the people on this list belong to any visible minority. I don’t beleve that a persons gender, orientation or color have anything to do with their fuckedupedness.
Although many have been hiding behind it for way too long. I’m all about equality.
I’m sure this list will grow. There seems to be no shortage of people like this these days.
1. Justin Bieber – Is there anyone that DOESN’T want to beat the shit out of this little turd? On behalf of Canada, I apologize for his existance.
2. Michael Jackson – The only thing that bothered me about your demise, is that you never did hard, brutal prison time for being a child molesting piece of shit.
3. Theresa Spence – You’re supposed to LOSE weight during a hunger strike fatass, not put more on!
4. Miley Cyrus – You may assume you’re out of control when you out-skank homeless crackwhores.
5. Floyd Montour – You’ve lived on my dime long enough asshole.
6. Ruby Montour – If you ever wonder where the ‘non-sensical, drunken squaw’ stereotype comes from, look no further.
7. Tanya Kim – The only thing harder then looking at you, is having to hear your voice.
8. Michael Moore – If you were any more full of shit, it would be squirting out of your fat fucking head.
9. Julian Fantino – He didn’t create the concept of being a fat, lazy and corrupt cop. But he did perfect it.
10. Debbie Travis – You murdered Canadian Tire. I shouldnt be able to buy tampons at a hardware store!!!
11. Tom Keefer – Calling you a bag of shit would probably offend actual bags filled with shit.
12. Ben Mulroney – Calling Ben a little bit of an ass kisser is like calling Hitler a little OCD.
13. Lebron James – Does it matter that you have a lot of money if you’ll never be more then a dumbass with the intellect of a second grader?
14. The Supernanny – You’re only on here because you scare the living shit out of me.
15. Jay Manuel – Boy or Girl? Pick one already. You can’t be both.
16. Nell Carter – Dammit. Looks like the Twinkies and angina got you first.
17. Vince Schlomi – It’s because of you that I’m buried in ShamWOW at home.
18. Donald Trump – Goes to show you, money can’t buy you a decent $14 hair cut.
19. Lil Wayne – Never has talentless ghetto trash been so goddamn ugly.
20. Paula Abdul
21. David Hasselhoff
22. Jimmy Swaggart – Evangelicals get an automatic ass whupping.
23. Queen Elizabeth II – I don’t have anything against her, just think that’d be a kickass fight.
24. Rita MacNeil – Dammit. Looks like the bacon and all-you-can-eat buffets got you first.
25. Lloyd Robertson – I don’t have anything against old Lloyd. I’m just curious if he really is a cyborg.
26. Michael Vick – I might fuck him up with a shovel, but I’m going to let his dogs finish him off.
27. Ellen Degeneres
28. Gloria Allred
29. Duane Chapman – Someone must be paying you, it’s not necissary to look like a hobo.
30. Tori Spelling – I’ve always wondered if I hit her hard enough in the face with a shovel, would it snap like an overstretched elastic band.
31. Tammy Fay Bakker – I just want to see if my theory that she bleeds gravy is correct.
32. Lady Gaga
33. Pat Robertson – What you don’t know, can’t hurt you. That makes Pat pretty much invulnerable.
34. Ryan Seacrest
35. Star Jones
37. Elizabeth Smart – You couldn’t figure out a way through an unlocked door, you will not escape my 6 iron.
38. Conrad Black
39. Steven Tyler
40. Richard Simmons
41. Michelle Bachmann – Jesus won’t help you now.
42. Glenn Beck – You either Glenn. Cause he isn’t real.
43. Both those freaky looking motherfuckers from ‘Nelson’ – Google a picture of them, it’ll all make sense.
44. Kate Gosselin – Your reverse racoon mullet hair will not protect you from my shovel. Bitch.
45. Kanye West – You are talentless, illiterate and apparently have no grasp of impulse control. Why do I know who you are?
46. Taylor Swift – You want to know why men keep dumping you? It’s because looking at you actually makes erections impossible.
47. Sarah Palin – Anyone that HASN’T wanted to pimp-slap this bitch must simply be dead inside.
48. Earl Simmons – Assuming you catch DMX on the two days a year he ISN’T in jail.
49. Amy Winehouse – Dammit. Looks like the booze and heroin got you first.
50. Suge Knight
51. Nadya Suleman – It’ll just be a quick, low punch, right in her Octo-Snatch.
52. Al Roker
53. Vince Neil
54. Tila Tequila – I guess there isn’t much we can do to her that antibiotic-resistant syphllis won’t do in time.
55. Kevin Federline – Before we give him his beating we will have to hose the Britney Spears stank off of him.
56. Mario Lavandeira
57. Antoine Dodson – Chaz Bono is quite literally more of a man then Antoine will ever be.
58. Spencer Pratt – When I’m done with you I’m throwing a shot into your plastic wife.
59. Kris Jenner
60. John Tesh – Might need a ladder for this one.
61. Phil Collins
62. Emmanuel Lewis – I just want to see what a teeny tiny dude who knows Tae Kwon Do fights like.
63. Robert VanWinkle
64. Kevin O’Leary – You’re a poncy tool for waving money under the noses of people less rich then you are. My shovel will not discriminate.
65. Mary Murphy – Everytime you open your mouth I want to put my fist into it.
66. Carly Rae Jepsen – I’m giving you a few extra hits for that irritating fucking song.
67. Honey Boo Boo – Proof siblings shouldn’t have children together.
68. Mike Sorrentino
69. Bill O’Reilly – The only person that has made being a religous nutbag even MORE lame.
70. Hillary Clinton
71. Nicki Minaj – I’m actually surprised that no one has taken a shovel to this bitch already.
72. Donatella Versace – Is that a mask? Or is that really your face?
73. Naomi Campbell
74. NeNe Leakes – I’d hit her with my shovel, but I’m really worried I’ll get skank on my shoes.
75. Curtis Jackson
76. Paul DelVecchio
77. Chaz Bono – She has a dick now. She’s a fair target.
78. Oopsy The Clown – Clowns are evil. Thats all I have to say about that.
79. Barbara Walters
80. Jermaine Jackson
81. Paris Hilton – I’m very curious to see if I hit her hard enough with a shovel, will it cause her only facial expression to change.
82. Sheila Copps – Thanks for Canadian Content laws bitch. Now we are stuck with Nickelback, Bryan Adams, Kim Mitchell, Rush, Little Mosque On The Prarie & Ben Mulrony
83. Ted Nugent
84. George Lucas – You literally raped my childhood with those prequel movies.
85. Park Jae-Sang – What is the allure of this Gangnam Style asshole? He looks like a Korean kid with Downs Syndrome singing with a mouthful of peanut butter.
86. Phillip Phillips – I’m surprised he doesn’t grasp, based on his name, how much his parents must dislike him.
87. Ryan Gosling
88. Venus Williams – You’d think with all your money you could not speak in ebonics anymore.
89. Travis Barker – Yeah, that neck tattoo bullshit will look really awesome when you’re 80. Bonehead.
90. Rod Stewart
91. George Bush Jr – I know it’s mean to pick on the most retarded kid in class, but after perpetuating the 9/11 attack he kind of has it coming.
92. Caiden Cowger – We will see how big of a religous asshole this kid is once he discovers vaginas.
93. Floyd Mayweather Jr – I get it, you’re short and dickless. Just shut up already.
94. Rachel Ray
95. Joel Osteen – Eternal optimists are just people that never have to work for a living. Shithead.
96. Matthew Barnaby
97. Louis Farrakhan – A synonym for ‘Black Muslim Militant’ is ‘Racist Piece Of Shit’
98. Chris Brown – The only reason you smack women around is because you’re a pussy with a microscopic cock.
99. Rick Ross – I know picking on mongoloid, fatassed fucktards isn’t fair, but I really don’t care.
100. Ryan Reynolds
101. Spike Lee – The thing that makes Spike so angry is still having to sit in a booster seat at Dennys.
102. Donald Brashear
103. Anyone who has participated in a MiniPops album – Damn you all straight to hell.
104. Dick Cheney – After his whupping, we are going to drag him to the Hague for his war crimes trial.
105. All 3 Jonas Brothers – Even all at the same time, I’m pretty sure they won’t put up much of a fight.
106. Adele – I would say it would be fun to donkey punch (look that one up) her and then dump her, but based on her music thats happened to her about 100 times already.
107. Former OPP Commissioner Chris Lewis – You should be doing prison time for what you allowed down in Caledonia.
108. Kesha (Or however the hell you spell it)
109. Avril Lavigne
110. Alanis Morrisette – Ever think you keep getting dumped because you’re a whiny bitch? You know what they say. The only common denominator in every one of your failed relationships, IS YOU!!