Sent from our friends at The Onion.
BALTIMORE—Reminding them that it’s something even the league’s highest paid superstars must do, Baltimore Ravens head coach John Harbaugh reportedly took time Monday to advise the team’s incoming class of rookies to set aside savings for future bail payments. “It’s imperative that you guys start putting aside some money here and there—even if it’s only a few hundred dollars each month in a savings account—for when you’re sitting in a county jail at 4 a.m. and need to come up with a surety bond,” said Harbaugh, reminding the incoming players that their financial planning should also cover any potential legal fees for subsequent court hearings. “It may not seem like a big deal now, but we’ve unfortunately seen many great players suffer as a result of being totally unprepared for their future arrests. I know you see this big paycheck every week and it’s tempting to spend all of it right away, but just remember that you’ll need that money down the line for hefty state fines after pleading guilty to what will hopefully only be a few misdemeanor charges.” According to team sources, Harbaugh then reminded players that the Ravens offer financial advising to map out long-term investment plans so they can comfortably afford bail and legal costs long after their playing careers are over.