David Moye The Huffington Post 07/17/14 02:03 PM ET
Dr. Matthew Valente has seen his share of sticky situations in his years as a Chicago-based emergency room physicians, but none were as weird as the man who superglued his hand to his penis.
“The night before, [the patient’ was fixing his lamp next to his bed and he left the superglue tube on the nightstand,” Valente explained on an episode of “Sex Sent Me To The E.R.” airing Saturday on TLC.
The glue tube just happened to be next to a tube of lubrication he kept on hand for when he and his wife were in the mood for love.
Some time in the middle of the night, the unidentified male and his wife decided to have sex and he reached for what he thought was the lubricant.
“Only he went a little too fast, and — voila! — his hand became stuck to his penis,” Valente said.
It was a sight to behold, according to the good doctor.
“This was a large amount of skin that was affixed together,” Valente said. “There wasn’t just a small amount of glue. It wasn’t just one finger. It was, in fact, his entire palm and all his fingers, which were tightly affixed to his genitals.”
The patient’s wife was impatient for the man to get his hand off his sex organs, so Dr. Valente started researching ways to remove superglue.
The most popular suggestion was nail polish remover, a solution that presented certain risks.
“The problem with that is when you dump acetone on top of a wound that is partially open, it’s incredibly painful,” Valente said. “Just the look in his eyes when I told him that, I could tell he didn’t want to go down that route.”
Other options included applying hot, almost scalding water to the glue or simply waiting for the outer layer of skin to fall off — a process that might take two to three days.
Valente says the patient’s wife wanted the quickest option possible and didn’t seem concerned about how her hubby might feel.
“She was more concerned about making the dinner than his level of comfort or the fact that he’s in excruciating pain because he superglued his penis,” Valente said.
The story about how the man finally got unglued won’t be revealed until Saturday, but since the show isn’t titled “Sex Sent Me To The Morgue,” it’s a good chance he survived.