Children’s Movies Write Themselves

Any of you with children will be familiar with ‘The Buddies’.
Those talking dogs from Air Buddies, Santa Buddies, Snow Buddies, etc.
Considering I have seen all of these movies enough times to actually contemplate suicide, I thought that it was unfair to hate the movies without actually coming up with a few constructive story ideas of my own.
Here they are.

Batshit Burka Buddies – The Buddies join an Al-Qaeda cell, train in a secret camp in Tunisia and strap on explosives to stick it to the evil, western, capitalist pigs.

Crazy Buddies – The Buddies find themselves indoctrinated into a zany religious cult‎, waiting for a spaceship hiding in the tail of an approaching comet before the mass ritual suicide.

Ghetto Buddies – Lost deep in the inner city, The Buddies must resort to sellin’ crack and pimpin’ hos to make enough cash to buy the 67 Buick with the leopard skin interior to get them home.

Lazyassed Buddies – The Buddies shed all tax responsibilities and join the local Indian reserve and learn the joys of running contraband smokes, managing casinos and living off the public teat without ever doing anything useful. ‎

Brown Buddies – The Buddies take on the management responsibilities of the local convenience store. Spending their days perusing the top shelf of the magazine rack‎, selling smokes to underage kids and charging $5.99 for a can of beans.

San Quentin Buddies – Pimpin’ hos has consequences, and when an undercover RICO investigation lands them in the slammer‎, the Buddies got to learn how to survive, and to not sleep on their stomachs.


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