Officer Bubbles

I’m sure by now everyone has seen footage of the atrocities perpetrated upon the public by the police during the G20 in Toronto.

Our society has apparently devolved to the point where we have chose to employ the dumbest among us as police, and if you disagree with that statement, the video below will certainly change your mind.

And on a side note this fucktard apparently still has a job, so if you see him tooling around Toronto be sure to call him Officer Bubbles. He fucking hates that.

However. I’m not a little girl. And he found it substantially harder to bully me.

This is for you Officer Bubbles.

You fuckwit.

 

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What Is A Sex Offender?

As a society we collectively cringe when we hear the term ‘sex offender’

We automatically assume we are discussing a man who is molesting and violently raping small children.

As it turns out as a society, we have our heads up our asses. This term can apply, as you will soon read, to any number of situations, and while we all detest child molestors, the term ‘sex offender’ is very misleading.

We recently reported on a 10-year-old child who’s required to register as a sex offender for abusing younger boys on an Arizona Army base.

It’s hard to imagine that a sex offender registry — a public database run by states — would include anybody who wasn’t an adult pedophile or a rapist or seriously dangerous in some way. But sex offender registries can ensnare and publicly humiliate people who haven’t victimized anybody at all.

Here are some of the more surprising ways you can end up on a sex offender registry:

1) Taking naked photos of yourself — if you’re a minor. Teenagers who take nude photographs of themselves could get charged with child pornography and be put on sex registries, according to a 2013 report from Human Rights Watch. Kids who send naked photos that are viewed in another state could be charged with a federal crime, personal injury lawyer Linda Jane Chalat has written.

A 15-year-old girl in Pennsylvania was charged in 2004 with spreading child porn after taking nude photos of herself and putting them online, according to Human Rights Watch. She was still on the sex offender registry as of 2012.

2) Visiting a prostitute. While former New York governor Eliot Spitzer does not appear to be on New York’s sex offender registry, patronizing a prostitute is considered a “registerable offense” in the Empire State. Until recently, some prostitutes in Louisiana could be registered sex offenders, too.

3) Peeing in public. At least 13 states require sex offender registration for public urination, according to Human Rights Watch’s comprehensive review of sex offender laws in 2007. Two of those states specify that the urination must happen in front of a minor.

4) Flashing your breasts. You can get arrested for indecent exposure in California if you flash your breasts in front of a lot of people in order to gratify yourself or offend somebody else, according to the Shouse Law Group, a group of California criminal defense lawyers. And indecent exposure can land you on the sex offender registry.

5) Having consensual sex with a teenager, even if you’re a teenager, too. At least 29 states require teenagers who have had consensual sex with each other to register as sex offenders, according to the Human Rights Watch Report from 2007. In Georgia, a woman named Wendy Whitaker was on the sex offender registry for years for having sex with a classmate when she was 17 and he was 15.

6) Sleeping with your sister. Incest is not just a social taboo; it’s also illegal in a lot of states. Football player Tony Washington learned that lesson the hard way after getting in trouble for having sex with his 15-year-old sister when he was 16. “I didn’t know it was illegal,” Washington told ESPN in 2010.

Washington, who had an incredibly troubled home life, pleaded guilty to prohibitive sexual conduct, according to the Toronto Star. He was charged under a Texas law that bars sexual contact between family members. He became a registered sex offender. His past continued to haunt him.

7) Giving another child a hug. There’s been momentum recently to get rid of requirements that children register as sex offenders, the Wall Street Journal reported. Five residents of Colorado who were found delinquent for sex crimes as kids recently sued the state to fight a law that forced them to register as sex offenders, according to the Journal.

One of those Colorado residents had been accused of trying to hug a girl at his elementary school too much when he was 13.

Fuck It! I’m Starting A Cult!

I’ve finally had it I think.

After years of listening to every moron out there from shitty, failed science fiction writers, to reclusive, Nike-obsessed millionaires ramble on about their visions and prophecies, I’ve finally reached my breaking point.

Every religion, faith or belief group out there spends all their time spouting craziness and insanity. I thought today what the world needs is a cult based on rational thought, sanity and science.

So my cult The Church Of The Anti-Jesus, welcomes anyone, regardless of color, gender, sexual orientation, former faith or social standing.

And the best part is, there are hardly any rules, there are no mandatory meetings or committees and I’ll never ask you for a god damn dime.

Here’s how it works. You get to believe WHATEVER YOU FUCKING WANT. The only stipulation is that whatever it is you believe it must be EVIDENCE BASED.

Man-made climate change, the medicinal uses of liquor and weed, government conspiracies, Chuck Norris or even the healing power of girl-on-girl porn. Anything you like so long as it is based on fact.

Now if you insist on maintaining faith in nonsense like the Kraken, the Bible, Zeus, the Easter Bunny or Thor, things that are NOT evidence based, then we are going to have to ask you to turn in your paper pants and go home.

And like I said earlier it costs you nothing, and there are no meetings. That’s the best part of my cult, it’ll take up so little of your time.

Sign up today!

Book Of Evil – Dirty Trick #9

Border Blocking

Post 9/11, the US border has been a shitty place to be. As Canadians we are so much cooler then they are, so the bullshit we eat by these people is non-sensical at best.

Yes. You Border/Immigration and TSA assholes are absolute fucktards.

However we can use their fucktardiness to our advantage. When the person you are pranking is going to be crossing the border (only do this at borders, airports are too fucked up to mess with), they have this cool tip line where you can report that, as an example, this person may have crack hidden up their butt.

Then sit back and wait for that panicked phone call. However, considering that this can result in monetary fines and body cavity searches, think really long and hard before doing this. Oh yeah. And it’s a federal offence to make a false accusation like this. And if you think anything is anonymous anymore you’re a bone head.

You know, forget I even said anything.

They Are Lying To You Movie Review – Slumdog Millionaire

slumdogmillionaire

Now I should begin by stating how much I detest anything Bollywood.

Like it if you like, but I find it migraine-inducing and irritating. It’s like watching a foreign gay pride parade, where everyone is singing with a mouthful of marbles.

Anyway, this particular movie was shitty on more levels then that. That being said I have no issue with the overly formulaic story. Boy meets girl that is both way out of his league, as well as way out of his caste, but because he wins a game show he gets her. I get the concept. It’s the fact we have to spend two hours enduring it that causes me the headache. I lost sympathy for everyone in this movie within the first 15 minutes. I kept hoping this would turn into a Michael Bay destructionfest so the boredom I was experiencing would abate.

Unfortunately I will admit I fell asleep a total of 9 times during this movie.

Even more unfortunate, is that every time I did, the person I was watching it with paused the movie, so even sleep didn’t save me from having to endure every minute of this film.

Now the shitty Bollywood nonsense and the retarded story aside, did anyone stop and think that a million Indian rupees translates to like $18,000 Canadian? This idiot went through all that shit for that?

Pass on this one if it already hasn’t been inflicted upon you. You will thank me.