From our friends at The Weekly World News
PHILADELPHIA – Rabid beavers have killed over 70 residents in the last week.
Wildlife officials are warning Northeast Philadelphia park visitors about rabid beavers after three hundred people were bitten near a city creek in the past few days.
On Friday, Pennsylvania State Game Commission confirmed that three dozen rabid beavers were captured in the Pennypack Creek tested positive for rabies. They were all positive for rabies and half were positive for ebola.
The rabies and ebola confirmationa came after two doezen separate biting incidents earlier this week along the water between Bustleton Avenue and Ax Factory Road.
Game Commission Officer Jerry Slovak described what happened when a couple fishing in Pennypack Creek Wednesday was attacked.
“The beavers kind of went underwater and came up.” Slovak said “The wife started screaming and the husband looked 0ver and saw the beaver chewing on her face.”
Most of the victims of the beaver killings were found stacked on top of each other – damming up a local creek. Authorities had to break the dam and take the victims to the nearest morgue.
No one is sure where the rabid beavers came from – but local authorities are speculating that the beavers may have been planted by Mets fans eager (as beavers) to get back at Philly fans.