Forget The Ice Bucket Challenge, The Porn Star Boob Squeeze Is My New Favorite Charitable Event

JAPAN – The nine adult movie stars told local media on Monday they could barely contain their excitement about the “Stop! AIDS” campaign event — which will be televised live — but asked, perhaps somewhat optimistically: please be gentle. “I’m really looking forward to lots of people fondling my boobs,” Rina Serina told Tokyo Sports. “But I would be very happy if you would please be delicate.” It comes after sexist heckling of a Tokyo assemblywoman hit the headlines, highlighting old-fashioned views towards women that still permeate Japanese society. “I never thought my boobs could contribute to society,” added the ponytailed Serina, apparently unaware of any contradiction. Fellow porn actress Iku Sakuragi had no qualms about being groped by hundreds of pairs of hands. “It’s for charity,” said the 21-year-old. “Squeeze them, donate money — let’s be happy.”

“Squeeze them, donate money — let’s be happy.” Yes. Let’s be happy.

Now this, THIS is a surefire way to raise funds for a good cause. Forget about dumping water over our heads, if there were tit-grabbing posts for human disease, famine and starvation on every block we’d be immortal by the end of the decade. We all know super funding and getting the powerful involved are the main keys to awareness. Shit, if ALS and AIDS could only be contracted by white people through the grips of a golf club then there would’ve been cures for both deadly diseases decades ago. But grabbing boobies is as grassroots as it gets and should raise enough money to draw more eyeballs to the cause.

Love the one broad requesting people to “Please be delicate”. That’s the wrong thing to ask people who have succumb to paying for a handful of tit. Most of these Japs haven’t seen a naked breast that wasn’t pixilated or animated. They’re absolutely going give it a healthy squeeze once they realize it doesn’t feel like a bag of sand.

Also, they have Purple Hearts for the porn industry? Gotta be tough losing an eye to a moneyshot. A true pirate of porn.

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