Don’t You ‘LOL’ Me Motherfucker!

I don’t know about you but I’m getting a little sick of the way this internet proto-speak has viciously wormed it’s way into our daily lives. It is dissolving the ability of our children to speak in coherent sentences, it’s confusing the shit out of the elderly, and it’s eroding the very fabric of our tedious easy to impress civilization.

I’m being serious when I ask exactly how much easier do we need to make life for our youth?

They skate through school with no fear of failure, because we refuse to allow it. We could not bear the thought of bruising their fragile little self images. We will shoehorn even the dimmest child through school regardless of how much information actually sticks, and now we don’t even expect them to be even vaguely literate? This caveman language of stupid acronyms and catchphrases is suddenly sufficient? We are doing our youth a severe disservice by having no expectations of them at all in regards to the development of their intellect.

I think I need to start asking for our money back from this bloated and overpaid educational system in this province.

And the worst offenders I find are tween women between 15 and 28. This demographic doesn’t just type in this nonsense, they actually speak to one another it as well.

Next time you’re at the pub just covertly listen in on a conversation between two women in this age group. It sounds like gibberish, or more precisely between two people who suffer from schizophasia. For everyone wondering what that is it is defined as such,

In the mental health field, schizophasia orword salad is language that is confused and often repetitious, symptomatic of various mental illnesses.[1]

It is usually associated with a manicpresentation of bipolar affective disorderand other symptoms of serious mental illnesses, such as psychosis, includingschizophrenia. It is characterized by an apparently confused usage of words with no apparent meaning or relationship attached to them. In this context, it is considered to be a symptom of a formal thought disorder. In some cases schizophasia can be a sign of asymptomatic schizophrenia; e.g. the question “Why do people believe in God?” could elicit a response consisting of a series of words commonly associated with religion or prayer but strung together with no regard to language rules.

Schizophasia should be contrasted with another symptom of cognitive disruption and cognitive slippage involving certain idiosyncratic arrangements of words. With this symptom, the language may or may not be grammatically correct depending on the severity of the disease and the particular mechanisms which have been impacted by the disease.

The American diagnostic codes, from theDSM-IV, do not specifically code for this disorder although they include it as a symptom under the diagnosis of schizophrenia.[2]

OK it can’t just be me. That pretty much describes perfectly what I hear when these kids blather on in their heavily acronym-laden doublespeak.

So do your part.

Take back the Queen’s English from these bonehead millenials.

Next time someone looks at you and says “LOL!”, punch them in the teeth.

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