Syrian Refugees, Welcome To Canada

Our area is now getting a significant influx of Syrian refugees, and to be completely honest I think this is a great thing. Our country, much like Keith Richards, can only survive with the constant infusion of new blood.

My opinion on this subject may surprise you, but I really believe that humanitarian efforts like this is what makes Canada such a great country. Its what makes us so much better then our idiot cousins to the south who tend to bomb the shit out of places and then, with an utterly confused look on their face, wonder what the hell to do next.

That being said, I do have a few small pointers for all of you new Canadians, to help you acclimatize to your new environment, and enjoy all your new home has to offer.

1. Left lane fast, right lane slow.

2. Baba ganoush is not a cologne.

3. It gets cold here, discover the joy that is thermal underwear.

4. We are not Americans. Thinking so will just get you bodychecked into the boards.

5. We have things here called lines. You stand in them to politely wait your turn to do things. Embrace their use.

6. Sharia Laws mean fuck all here. Take this opportunity to shrug off such nonsense and embrace being your own person. Seriously. Because any religion that says you can’t have bacon is too retarded for words to express.

7. On that note. Yes bacon IS a food group.

8. I’m not sure how ya had it back home, but beating your wife and kids here will only end badly for you.

9. Don’t worry. Curling will eventually make sense.

10. There is more to see here then Toronto. Learn about and explore the most beautiful country on the planet.

11. Also, if you have some unfathomable bout of idiocy, and begin cheering for the Toronto Maple Leafs, someone will probably come to your house and pimpslap you. Have some self-respect.

Finally always remember that, as a country, we welcomed you with open arms during what is probably the very worst time of your lives. And we are happy to do it. All we ask is you respect the rules and laws already in place, and always remember those that helped you and pay it forward when the opportunity arises to help someone else.

That’s what it is to be Canadian.

Welcome home.


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