Car Vent Surprise
For this one you will need uninterrupted access to the victim’s car for at least 30 minutes. And a can of tuna, and some sushi. And it is usually best to do this to someone just before the first snow fall of the year.
All you need to do is remove the outside vent covers embedded in the front and rear dashboards. Once removed you will spoon a good amount of fish and sushi into each vent. Then just replace the vent covers.
The first time the victim turns the heat on should be an interesting olfactory experience.
At last, an easy way to get revenge on someone, or just fuck with a stranger.
Go to Bulk Barn and buy a good sized bag of blue Jolly Rancher candy.
Unwrap each one and put into a zip loc bag. Take a hammer and break them up so they are no longer nice square shapes. Now all you need to do is stash it someplace, or my favorite, simply walk through a parking lot and toss it into the open window of any unoccupied car.
Then you simply have to make an anonymous call to the fuzz, telling them where you saw this big baggie of blue meth. I like to toss it into an unoccupied police vehicle and then call in that liscence plate to the police. Ooooooooh that makes them angry.
The best part of this one, the victim will be in custody for at least a few days before the lab tests come back negative, because labs are slow and the police are dumbasses who can’t tell meth from hard candy.
Parking Lot Decoy
This isn’t so much a dirty trick, as something I like to do in a crowded Costco parking lot on a quiet, boring Saturday in July.
If you have a child seat in the back of your car you’re set, if not borrow one. And a really lifelike looking doll to strap into it.
Now all you have to do is cruise the parking lot, waiting for a good spot right near the door. At that point wait for people to walk past, get out and walk away from the car, locking it.
Our society is so dumb, the first nosy asshole you see will spot the doll, assume you’re leaving a child in the car, and scream at you. This is where it gets fun.
In the loudest voice you have, rip that nosy, intrusive motherfucker a new asshole. You’re right by the door, so EVERYONE will experience your wrath.
Their embarassment, in front of hundreds of people, will be your reward.
Post 9/11, the US border has been a shitty place to be. As Canadians we are so much cooler then they are, so the bullshit we eat by these people is non-sensical at best.
Yes. You Border/Immigration and TSA assholes are absolute fucktards.
However we can use their fucktardiness to our advantage. When the person you are pranking is going to be crossing the border (only do this at borders, airports are too fucked up to mess with), they have this cool tip line where you can report that, as an example, this person may have crack hidden up their butt.
Then sit back and wait for that panicked phone call. However, considering that this can result in monetary fines and body cavity searches, think really long and hard before doing this. Oh yeah. And it’s a federal offence to make a false accusation like this. And if you think anything is anonymous anymore you’re a bone head.
You know, forget I even said anything.
Hot Tub Cereal
This one is quite simple. When your victim is not looking, and his/her hot tub is running, dump in an extremely large quantity of Cream Of Wheat cereal.
Then you just have to sit back and wait for breakfast to be served.
This one is relatively simple and low impact, but irritating as hell to whomever you inflict it upon.
All that is required here is a phone call to your local religious cult. Scientologists, Jehovah’s Witness, Mormons, take your pick. Call and say you’d like to meet with them at your home and hear all about their lunacy.
Whomever you send them to will never ever ever ever shake them. They will be showing up at their door until the end of time.
If your victim is ever using an outhouse or a portable toilet, give him a minute to piss or start shitting, then tip the outhouse over.
Make sure that it lands on the door so that your victim cannot escape easily without some help.
Needless to say that your victim will be very unhappy with shit, piss, tampons and whatever else is festering inside it, spilling all over him.
Stash large, taped Zip Loc bags filled with oregano in the carry on luggage of someone who is about to board a flight.
There are certain countries you might choose to use discretion when playing this prank. There are shit holes in Africa and the Middle East that will probably have already riddled your friend with bullets by the time they figure out he or she just had a 3 lb bag of seasoning.
What’s That Smell?
This one is pretty simple. When attending a friend’s house party simply roam about their home, secreting things like tuna, shrimp, or any other product that will, over the course of a few days, turn into a foul and rancid odor. The trick is to put it places not easily found, or cleaned. You can unscrew the decorative end off a curtain rod and typically push something inside. There is also the option of drop tile ceilings. The choices are only limited by the amount of evil you wish to visit upon others. Within days the odor will be unbearable, and it is impossible to clean away a smell you can not find.
I should say however this may not be the brightest idea if someone has a violent seafood allergy.
This particularly evil trick is interesting as it doesn’t target the person directly. It’s directed at his family, froends and spouses.
Basically you go out, find the sickest, most deviant porn you can find. The format doesnt matter. It can be print, VHS, Betamax, DVD or whatever. Just as long as it’s sick stuff. Fatties, amputees, midgets, the choices are endless.
Then all you have to do is hide it in his or her home. Not where they will find it, but where someone else will. Like his mom.