Suck it, USA.
Another fun dose of dumbassery from The Smoking Gun
A Florida trio is facing narcotics manufacturing charges after one of the suspects pocket-dialed 911 and a police operator stayed on the line for nearly half-an-hour listening to them “talking about making and selling methamphetamine,” according to a police report.
The operator, cops noted, also detected a “bubbling sound as if something was cooking.”
Investigators traced the call early Saturday to a shed in the backyard of a home in Deltona, a city 30 miles north of Orlando.
When Volusia County Sheriff’s Office deputies peered into an open window, they spotted material indicating that the shed housed a methamphetamine lab, including a “bottle that appeared to be smoking.” Additionally, white smoke billowed from the shed.
Deputies raided the structure and arrested Donna Knope, 55; Jason Knope, 32; and Thomas Stallings, 41, for manufacturing and possessing methamphetamine. A search of the shed, cops noted, yielded “all of the makings of an active meth lab, including coffee filters, a butane torch, batteries, drain opener, plastic tubing, hypodermic needles, lithium strips, lighter fluid, plastic bags and numerous plastic bottles containing a white substance.”
Investigators do not know which of the suspects inadvertently tipped them to the existence of the meth operation. The Knopes–Donna is Jason’s mother–live in the home behind which the meth lab was operating.
Stallings, who lives at another Deltona residence, is currently on probation in connection with a burglary conviction. During the 911 call, the police dispactcher reported, a man who identified himself as “Tommy” stated that he was on probation and complained that a police official “had been watching him.”
Donna Knope is pictured above, flanked by her son and Stallings (right).
I simply do not have enough fun in Walmart apparently. This article originally printed in The Smoking Gun.
A Florida man today took a stuffed animal off a Walmart shelf and then used the toy to masturbate before returning the ejaculate-covered item to a store shelf, police report.
The repulsive episode occurred around 3 PM at a Walmart in Brooksville, a city 50 miles north of Tampa.
According to a police report, Sean Johnson, 19, “selected a brown, tan, and red stuffed horse from the clearance shelf in the garden department.” He then went to the comforter aisle in the housewares section, “proceeded to pull out his genitals,” and “proceeded to hump the stuffed horse utilizing short fast movements.” The lewd act was captured by surveillance cameras.
After Johnson “achieved an orgasm and ejaculated on the stuffed horse’s chest area,” he placed the “soiled stuffed horse on top of a bed in a bag (comforter set) contaminating that property also.”
While Johnson fled the store before he could be apprehended by Walmart security, he was subsequently arrested by Brooksville Police Department officers. In a written statement, Johnson admitted that, “I did unmentionables to a stuffed animal.” Noting that he committed a “horrible act,” Johnson added, “I need to think before what I do. I’m extremely sorry.”
Johnson, seen in the above mug shot, was charged with indecent exposure and criminal mischief and booked into the Hernando County jail. He was released from custody at 9:45 tonight after posting $1500 bond.
The Walmart merchandise that came into contact with the reshelved stuffed animal was deemed contaminated and not suitable for sale.
And today’s weird news award goes to….
It’s not the kind of close encounter many people discuss, but one New Jersey-based artist says he feels better when he paints his sexual experiences with aliens.
“I lost my virginity to an extraterrestrial woman,” David Huggins says in the trailer for a forthcoming documentary about his life and work, “Love and Saucers.”
“It was just a relief to get the images on canvas,” the 70-year-old artist says.
Huggins, who lives in Hoboken, says the abductions began when he was 8 years old and have continued throughout his life. When he was 17, he says he began having sexual encounters with a female alien named Crescent.
Culture blog ANIMAL describes Huggins’ first encounter with Crescent:
She appeared human, except for her large, black eyes, a pale, pointy face and the wig. She disrobed. He disrobed. He laid down. She got on top. They consummated the start of their long-time and very long-distance romance.Huggins says he’s fathered human-alien children across the galaxy, and that not all of them are with Crescent. Although many of his paintings depict erotic scenes, some of them are disturbing and violent.
Filmmaker Brad Abrahams says he believes that the encounters were real to Huggins.
And again, and for the last time today, thanks to Cracked.com
Again, thanks to Cracked.com
Thanks to Cracked.com